you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
