Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
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The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
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The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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