Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
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Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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