If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
