i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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