apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
