I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
