Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
