My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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