After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
