He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
