You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize