Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
