he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
