you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
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Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
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I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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