So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
