Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
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The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
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He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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