So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
