So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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