my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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