Soap is not a condiment
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
