forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
