Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
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they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
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I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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