Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
