You're so nebulous sometimes
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
