I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
