we have officially lost it.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
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Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
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I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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