Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
