you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I need to calm my uterus...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
