if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize