Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He is an equal opportunity slut.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
