Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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