strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
