Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
