I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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