i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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