You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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