She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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