So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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