he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
