jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
