Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
