Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
