it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
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