I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
