escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
what day is it and did you see me today?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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