Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
