Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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