oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
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She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
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Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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