If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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