It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Are we still banned from the library?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
