I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
