please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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