whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
