I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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