Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
