Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
