I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
