the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
