Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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