when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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