I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
