i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
