What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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