I never want to see another naked old woman again.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
