Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
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