don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
Hypothermia
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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