i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
