I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
they're like a gay fantastic four
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
