just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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