I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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