i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
