WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
