I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
