Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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