You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
