OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
